Who am I?
I ask myself every day and every day I get a different answer from within. Some days I am a writer, another beautiful day I am a just a traveler, then another day I only know how to love. A week goes by without writing a word but reading hundreds so I would be an ardent reader then. Some days I cannot stop myself from doing philosophy, mediocre and amateur nevertheless. But I am a different guy every day, there is immense sadness in me some day and an unusual desire to remain engulfed in it till I can, but another morning comes by and I am as happy and jolly as Max, my dog, and wants to move out to do silly dance on loud music. Days come when I want to meet new people, and would crave for an intellectual conversation on any topic whose knowledge is limited to a few even in the world overflowing with information. Poetry hits me like that. I remember spending months writing love poems, even attempting macabre ones, but then losing the plot to verse for a year. Though, Netflix days are still consistent in life. It is sometimes a way to run away from daily chores of reading and writing, sometimes to pass time, to turn over the thinking pattern of the mind, and sometimes just to enjoy a cozy company.
There are many other things I do in a day that define who I am but to conclude I would reiterate that I am still looking for who I am and till I find, I want to remain convinced that I am a different guy every day, doing numerous things and going through numerous emotions, failing every day and looking for hope to achieve my dreams in the darkest corners of life like everyone else in their mid-twenties! Oh, it took me some years to come out of my teenage hangover and realize that I am as mediocre as everybody else and do not have the superpowers to change or save the world. Pessimism or Realism? I have come to appreciate the tiniest pleasures of life like doing nothing, sleeping, reading a book peacefully, sipping green tea, riding my bike, spending time with Max, and more.
And as always, I did what I am good at, moving astray on another topic when I was supposed to get back to the main topic I started writing on. Oh, the writing struggles of a writer always consume a big part of his life. They always demand a book on them by the writer. It is a challenge in itself to not fall into the trap.
Coming back, it was important to answer the most important question of ‘Who am I?’ before I could get on with explaining to you why I’ve decided to revive the blog you are reading.
A brief history of The Indian Sage + The New Avatar
I disbanded theindiansage.com more than a year ago and I am reviving it today. In reality, I only published more than 70 articles/posts ever since I started the blog in Oct 2014 till I wrote my last article in January 2017. That is an average of 2.5 articles every month, which seems to be the goal back then, to post less but good quality content. But there were some realities of the past which I don’t want to repeat and therefore, it is important for me to address them in this post. Working on the blog alongside the job, my focus on the blog had a graph of a crest and a trough. One of the reasons I stopped writing was because I realized that there is no point working on a blog halfheartedly.
When I went back to read some of my old articles a week ago in the process of deciding whether to revive the blog or to start afresh, I was proud of some and not so proud of some more, but that is how it is with every writer. Somewhere I laughed at myself for being so naive and at many times, I realized the reach and the potential of my words. Hitting the dilemma hard, whether to revive or to start afresh with a new blog, I decided to ask some people who I believe were interested in my blog back in the time and were also present in my contact list today. All of them unanimously asked me to revive the blog, and in the process, I also realized how I can do it. Though, later I wondered the people who knew The Indian Sage will always ask me to revive it, probably not for the love my writing, but for the humility with which I was asking them for their advice in a private chat.
Nevertheless, coming back to the part of who I am; the part of me who started The Indian Sage has evolved over time and is no longer just in search of the reason and peace, as the tagline on the blog has been stating for a long time. Today, I am also in search of laughter, love, and adventure. I have come to realize that there is no peace without laughter and love, and adventure brings the thrill to life that keeps the search for peace alive. Also, somewhere I have come to the conclusion in life that reason doesn’t always solve all the problems and most of the things we do are almost always unreasonable and illogical in nature, like love and a sudden desire to stuff your belly with chocolate, ice-cream, snacks, and most of the times, whatever that is available. Love, on one hand, is subconscious, mostly controlled by the release of hormones like oxytocin, testosterone, adrenaline, estrogen, etc in our body. But we feel it nevertheless consciously and call it love. It makes us do everything we would never do with a sane mind (Same goes for war). It sometimes brings the best of us and sometimes the worst, almost always for no reason. Similarly, I eat a lot when I am stressed knowing that overeating makes me unhealthy. I don’t do cardio knowing it is one of the greatest solutions to keep myself healthy. My decision to follow my passion was also illogical, knowing I may fail terribly or just end up being a mediocre writer far far away from the dreams I had weaved during my teenage hangover to fall in the footsteps of Vladimir Nabokov. So has been my unconscious decision to fall in love, not once, twice but three times. Or maybe I never understood love. The list can go on and on, but we are not here to talk about my ‘illogical’ callings in life. The ‘Modified’ Indian Sage is now looking for laughter, love, and adventure as much as reason and peace. In my new stint, I will be more focused on creating creative content for my readers with a regular outflow of ideas.
So it is the desire to attain inner peace, which cannot be attained by running away from problems, but by embracing them, that finally pushed me to continue my work on The Indian Sage, rather than scraping it into obscurity and start a new blog with a new identity. Therefore, the addition of laughter, love, and adventure in my ‘search’ list!
You will get to hear from me more often this time than before (hopefully! Though, nobody has any idea of my procrastination levels!), also in fewer words, as a lot of my readers complained about the never-ending articles I posted on my last stint on The Indian Sage. But the long articles will not end as this is close to my heart and I know a lot of people who would be interested in reading them.
Thank you for giving your valuable time to read this ‘comeback’ post. If I could convince you to believe in my quest, do not forget to come back on the Indian Sage to read my upcoming posts.